


Thoughts and mermaids and fluffy socks

by Secretsofdreams



Category: Gena/Finn - Hannah Moskowitz & Kat Helgeson
Genre: F/F, Friendship, Gen, Healing, Heartbreak, Loss, Love, Multi, Other, mental health, musings, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-14
Updated: 2017-12-14
Packaged: 2019-02-14 21:27:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13016484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Secretsofdreams/pseuds/Secretsofdreams
Summary: Gena thinks a lot, about how things hurt and how just being hurts. There's something that makes everything better, though. Being with Finn. All credit goes to Hannah and Kat, I don't own anything I'm just a fan of their awesome story!





	Thoughts and mermaids and fluffy socks

Everything goes up and down like waves. My emotions, the urge to punch something, motivation, the will to live. Some days I think I'm on a high and the next, I crash so hard I could scream for hours on end.

Finn hates those days. I catch her pulling at her hair and wiping her eyes when she thinks I can't see. I hate that I'm breaking her by being broken.

The thing is, I don't know how to make this any better because to fix something you have to know what's broken in the first place. The accident made everything good die, but the only thing that is destroying me right now is the awareness of my own existence and what it means to everyone. Finn wants me to be her best friend, Charlie wants me to be an emotionally stable person he can have proper conversations with instead of fearing he'll say the wrong thing, support group want me to be a person who makes progress, my parents want me to be someone who is fine with their absence. On and on it goes, just keep being, and I just want to stop being. Be able to turn me off. Breathe.

I take a deep breath now, to see if I'm still working and Finn reaches over to hold my hand. If the only thing I have to hold on to is her, then things won't be so bad after all.

"I'll get you some new socks, if you like, fluffy ones now that it's getting colder." Finn pulls the blanket we'd rested on our knees further up my legs. I hadn't really spoken to her all day and instead of worrying she kept me warm and squeezed my hand tighter. My Finn.

Finn is magical, I think. She can make me believe that if I close my eyes, I'll be transported back to the time when we were typing out messages to each other and sharing fic recommendations. She makes me believe the accident never happened, that all I've ever been is here, safe, with her. If Finn was in Up Below, she'd be a good witch who mended the world and healed torn hearts.

"If you were in Up Below what would you call your character?" I ask quietly, and if she's surprised by my question she doesn't show it. Instead, she raises an eyebrow with a smile and thinks for a moment.

"Probably something wonderfully powerful and magical, like Asteria or Lorelei..."

"You know Lorelei was a mermaid from a German folktale. She caused shipwrecks and drowned people."

"Sounds like my kind of girl." Finn grins and in that moment we're just two best friends hanging out, believing nothing bad will ever happen. I want to keep laughing with her forever.

"Evie, it's getting late we should go to bed." Charlie is on a late so it could be just us for a while. We get off the couch and get ready for bed. I let her use the bathroom first because it's the only generous thing I can offer her. After I've brushed my teeth I go into her room instead of mine and slip into bed beside her.

"Your feet are freezing, I'm definitely buying you some socks tomorrow," Finn grumbles and wraps an arm around my waist. I feel safe.

With my best friend and dearest love beside me, I feel as if I can melt away into the dark and all sense of being this person melts away too. Instead of a battered body with a tortured mind and broken heart, I could just be a shadow, caused by the moonlight, stretched across the sheets next to Finn. Nothing can really happen to a shadow. Friends won't die and life can't get complicated, there's no stress or pain. I squeeze my eyes as tightly as I can, till all I can see is darkness and can truly believe I'm not Gena anymore. I've floated away with the breath that Finn takes.

I fall asleep peacefully for the first time in months and dream of shadows and floating dandelion wishes, and of loving a mermaid who takes me down to the bottom of the ocean where it's quiet.


End file.
